LONDON, England – Hello. My name is Ian and I prefer buttons on my mobile phone. That was the confession in last week’s Nokia Conversations’ newsletter. This week, it’s Rhi’s turn to stand up and bring a touch of class to proceedings as she confesses her hidden touchaphile. Sign-up to the weekly newsletter right now to read Rhi’s response and much more. Join us after the jump to read Ian’s confession in full.

Buttonholics Anonymous
Hello. My name is Ian and I prefer buttons on my mobile phone.

I was lucky enough to be able to interview some of the people working on the Eseries phones this week and – on reflection – I am afraid to say that I am part of the heresy. Buttons are better.

I know. I know. Terribly unfashionable. When I pull out my mobile, it’s almost as though I came out wearing socks with sandals.

I see your smirks when I press the green button to make a call. The barely suppressed laughter when I prod out my messages on the trusty QWERTY. The delight with which, at the sweep of your fingers, you show me the HD movie you shot at that really trendy gig with the band I’ve never heard of. When the inevitable phone-off takes place while I’m out with friends, it’s like I am back at school again – the boy with the haircut done by his auntie Jean while everyone else has highlights and a quiff.

Your touchscreen devices do, admittedly, look very shiny and minimalist. They look lovely. Really. Well done, you. Pictures look sooo much better on your phone than they do on my quarter-VGA postage stamp of a screen. And that app that you downloaded that makes your Twitter followers into 3D holograms while whistling the national anthem? It’s really clever. I am sure that you are also very successful and have an expensive car.

But listen, right. This is what I care about. Making phone calls. Sending and receiving messages and email. That’s it. And I can do that faster than you. I can also do it with one hand, should I be holding say, an umbrella in the other. Good luck with the rain on your very expensive electronics.

The rest is icing on the cake. I’m pleased that my phone can also take great pictures, do maps, the web (sort-of) and that it can play music. I’ll even concede that it probably doesn’t do those things quite as well as your Wasp T-12 Speechtool. But you know what? It doesn’t really matter. Before phones could do any of those things, life wasn’t intolerable. In fact, we managed just fine. Now they can: that’s dandy, but it’s hardly the second coming.

As for games and running a four-track sequencer: grow up.

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